National Blog Posting Month

We Were Like A Gang

Matthew Marvel, Robbie Frazier, Bob Rue, Mike Schmidt, Peter Marks, Greg Griffin and me. We ruled the streets of our sleepy neighborhood. Between us we had enough G.I. Joe action figures and accessories to take over a small country - or at least someone's back-yard swimming pool.

Peter was the Jewish kid. None of us really knew what that meant except that, at Christmas time, his family didn't set up a tree and cover it with lights. And Santa skipped their house. Greg Griffin told us that was because Santa didn't like Jews. I believed it for years.

Robbie Frazier was sort of a wimpy kid. He decided he liked Big Jim action figures more than G.I. Joe. Big Jim and his friends wore flannel shirts instead of fatigues. They had campers instead of tanks; campfires instead of landmines. What the hell? "He's gay", Greg Griffin concluded. None of us knew what 'gay' meant, but Greg assured us that Santa didn't like gays anymore than he liked Jews.

Greg said a lot of stuff that would turn out to be false. Eventually all of our moms forbid us from hanging around with Greg Griffin. He was a bad kid, they concluded. He took his G.I. Joes and left our gang. Shame, too. His backyard was the best battlefield we had, complete with rocks, trees, and a mud patch when it would rain. Damn.

Mike Schmidt stepped up in Greg's absence. His mom let us bring our war indoors! Suburban commandos, we attacked room after room. Best was the battle over his parent's closet - big enough to park a car in, and filled with shoes, it was an awesome place to have a G.I. Joe miniature gunfight. That lasted until one day when Mr. Schmidt cut his foot between the toes - apparently one of us had left a landmine in the toe of one his shoes. We were back out on the streets.

Matthew was the first kid any of us ever met who's mom and dad separated. Scandalous! We teased him about it, but Matthew had a violent streak in him. It wasn't long before he was sitting on top of Bob Rue shouting "Take it back or I'll break your nose!" We didn't tease him anymore.

Eventually my enthusiasm for joint G.I. Joe battles with my buddies waned. For me, it was the discovery of Hallet Murphy. She seemed far more interesting than Matthew Marvel to me, for some reason. She had Barbies. They had boobs. That kind of sucked. But still, Hallet's Barbies and my G.I. Joes sort of got along. Joe taught Barbie how to shoot an M-16 and to throw a grenade. Barbie put an apron on Joe and taught him how to make a cake. Joe parked his tank because it was only built for one. Barbie had a Corvette built for two. Armed with assault rifles and grenades, it was one bad-ass ride, I assure you!

Then one day Hallet got a Ken doll. Screwed everything up! Ken sort of looked like Big Jim. Oh my God! Was I gay? No chance I piss off Santa! I was out of there. I was back with my gang and blowing stuff up.

Then came Christmas. Under my tree... from Santa Claus... Big Jim! His brother Big Josh! Their Big Adventure Camping Kit!

3 Comments

Comment by Amanda on November 3, 2008 at 1:52pm: :) love it. You are a good writer, you know that? I can picture a little pastor darin... ahahaha :)

Comment by Erica Mariany on November 3, 2008 at 3:04pm: What a great post! Reminds me of my brother. And funny thing is, Joey and his friends take their GI stuff to the playground. Joey will play for hours in his room with his army stuff. Guess GI Joe is still as popular today. Ya know they may let you join their gang. :-)

Comment by Jackie on November 4, 2008 at 6:10am: My older brother had quite a collection of little green army men that we went to battle with! They hurt when you kneeled on them out in the dirt in the backyard! A few years ago, I found some giant ones...about 6 inches tall, and wrapped them up for him at Christmas! We all played "army" with them at our family gathering that year. Hours of fun and with all of the generations taking part! Great memories!