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Since we are all moms to older kids, maybe some of you can relate. It always makes me smile when I hear moms of babies or toddlers talk about 'how they can't wait to be done with this age'. How 'they can't wait until their babies are old enough to do things for themselves...' It makes me smile because they should watch what they wish for. That was me saying those things at one time too.
Now, often I'm wondering if there is any way those days could come back? Remember when they were babies and they stayed where you put them? Remember how much they loved you and would give you those great smiles? Remember when they couldn't talk or just had that cute 'baby talk'?
Moms are convinced those baby times are the hardest times, lack of sleep, nursing forever, diapers, a house full of all those baby strollers, jumpers, swings and toys.
Those moms are told they shouldn't be in a hurry. Not because of what people always say, 'enjoy it while it lasts, it will be over before you know it'. People are always saying that. No, I say 'enjoy it' for a different reason.
Once your kids are old enough to do things for themselves, they still don't - they still expect you to do it for them, they can talk and usually end up talking back to you or arguing with you about EVERYTHING, they stop giving you so many smiles and the smiles are replaced with moodiness and emotional rollercoasters, they stop needing you as much and a lot of the time wish you would just leave them alone.
Yes, we all know this is part of growing up and becoming an individual, becoming independent - but how many of you would give anything to see that little smiling baby face looking up at you. That face that can't talk back or argue, that face that is just thrilled to see you coming at them and still loves to snuggle and give you a hug. No, the sleepless nights, endless nursing, dirty diapers......they can keep all that.......but just feeling like you aren't the dumbest women to ever walk the planet would be nice again, wouldn't it?
Can you tell I have a house full of teens & pre-teens? and all girls to boot? There is a special place in heaven for us. Chime in, I'd love to hear your thoughts.
I think I'd like to fast forward more than anything. ;) I remember how much better us kids got along with my dad once we moved out. He was very strict and had high expectations for us, but now he tells me that I'm too hard on my kids! I'm looking forward to the day when the light bulb goes on in their heads like it did in mine that I had it GOOD at home and my parents weren't the dumbest people on the planet. LOL
I agree, Temmy - my parents got incredibly smart after I started having my own kids! When I try to tell my girls that though, the 'eye-rolls' start. Hang in there - we'll make it through somehow.
One of my favorite things to do is watch video tape of my girls when they were tiny. I have a really hard time pulling the memories up of how they sounded or how they looked back then....thank god for technology. Sometimes my youngest wil fall asleep in the car and I can't pick her up and carry her in the house anymore. Sometimes my oldest will sit on my lap and I can only let her sit there for a minute before I'm in pain. Those are the times when I would love to turn back the years.
Oh! I can soooo relate to this! My YOUNGEST is impossible for me to carry or let sit on me - it's so sad. When we watch video tapes I can hardly believe it is them - I feel so removed from what I'm watching, like it never really happened or only in a dream. Weird, I know, but true. We had emotional hell here tonight - God, we dealt with so many different 'girl' issues I feel like my head is spinning......as I always say to my husband, "who in the hell thought I was cut out for this shit?!" Hang in there, ladies - before we know it we will be padding the empty nest. :(
I can relate to all of this. I used to look back on my kids' early years as "when my kids still loved me." I know in my heart that they do still love me, but gaining independence and growing up sometimes feels like an earthquake & my hubby & I just brace ourselves & wait for it to end! The only one left at home is my 17 year old daughter, she has days when she can and does act like the adult she wants us to believe she is & days when I'd swear she's 13 again.
My boys are grown and on their own, the younger of the two is making a lot of stupid choices & it's fairly liberating to know that I don't have to step in and tell him that he needs to shape up.
Hi Dyane! It's so good to hear that the feelings of helplessness we feel now will eventually feel 'liberating'! I can imagine it is a relief when they are no longer your problem, so to speak. Yes, they still love us, it's just hard to tell sometimes, right?
I can relate to the 17 year old sometimes acting like the 13 year old - ours is the same way. One minute she is telling us what an adult she is and the next minute she is rolling on the floor with her sisters giggling like a little girl.
Oh. You've given me hope that I'll be able to survive! Thank you and have a great night.
"When my kids still loved me" is great!!! I have five - four boys, one girl ages 8-17 and only the 8 year old is free with his love anymore. If I can get them alone and if I don't talk too much - that's when they'll still throw out a hug or an "I love you mom" but I'd turn blue if I held my breath and waited for it! Still - I treasure our fascinating family dinner conversations and I love having "big" kids. I thought when they got older I'd stop having to worry about them choking or falling down the stairs and breaking their necks. Now I worry about car accidents, bad relationship choices, and illegal substances. Arrrrgh! Even with the worry, though, I've loved every age and stage and look forward to what comes next. It's fun to hear (=read) about your experiences with kids even older. I think a lot about making that transition between kid at home and tied into the family to kid at large and out in the world being a "grown up". I want to make that transition well. I want to be mom forever - but I desperately want to be the kind of mother of adult children who affirms them and supports them - not the kind that re-hashes all the old patterns from the days of nagging, teaching, and disciplining! Feel free to throw me all the advice you can think of about how you have (or are making) that transition!!! Peace.
