Should you tell a friend you don't like the name she plans to give her baby?
We're sorry, but this discussion has just been closed to further replies.
My aunt recently took it upon herself to tell me how awful she thinks the names are that we've chosen for our son who will be born in December. She wasn't tactful about it, although I'm not sure there is a way to tell someone, "Those names suck!" without pissing them off. But shouldn't people keep these thoughts to themselves? I would never say anything negative to a friend or even acquaintance about the name they choose for their baby. It's a personal choice that's close to the heart--a little too close for receiving unwanted, blatant and sometimes ugly criticism.
I think your Aunt should, like most people, keep quiet unless her opinion is asked for. Too many people giving out their unwanted opinions and assvice - especially on parenting issues. It's enough to make anyone crazy.
Tact and grace are not my strong points, so I'd probably throw something at anyone who said to me "Your name choices suck."
Just my way of saying I agree with you and think you're in the right. :)
When my sister was expecting, she went through a phase of various names, some I liked and some I didn't I did tell her what I thought of them, if I liked them or not, but ultimately it was up to her and her husband what they wanted to call him whatever other people thought.
She was partial to Elliott and all I could keep thinking in my mind was the E.T scene when E.T says it. However I never turned around and scorned any of the names in anyway to make her uncomfortable or to cause any upset. She and I are very close so I knew I could give my opinion without her caring whether I liked them or not.
I think you are right - there is never a nice way to say it, so unless you're very close AND have been asked for your opinion it's a bad idea to suggest it. Well, unless it's a critical case - like people planning to name a baby something they don't realize is a swearword or something. http://www.notwithoutmyhandbag.com/babynames/ - here is an illustrative discussion on the subject of not-so-perfect baby names (caution! many pages long and very sarcastic). Some of those names really sound like "My parents hate me", whatever their spelling is.
I keep my mouth shut. If they like it, they have a reason I'm sure. When I was pg, I only told my best friend the names I picked. (I changed my mind every week anyway). Once the baby is reality and named, wailing with fists flailing, it's in pretty poor taste to say mean things about little snookum's name.
Generally I am of the opinion that people should keep their thoughts to themselves on the issue.
That said, my legal name is pretty fucking awful, and I sure wish someone had said something to the parent who inflicted it on me, because it would have saved me a lot of grief (and the expense of a name change, which looks like it's going to cost me around $500). This leads me to think that this is where godparents come in handy, because they are tasked with looking out for their godchildren.
I think the only "tactful" way to do something like that is when someone's talking about it (or preferably asks for an opinion), just mentioning "well, it's not a name I would choose, but I'm glad you found something that's special to you." It's not a lie, but I really don't think it's fair to bash a name that is obviously important to you.
The only exception I can think of is if it really 'is' a far-out there name that the child will grow up hating, being teased for, constantly getting questioned about, etc. Even then, it can be done in a way to let the parents know they might want to think about it more instead of being so blunt about it.
My Grandmother hasn't said anything specific other than, "So, is his name still Parker," with a negative tone in her voice. Quite frankly, I don't care what people think so they can say what they want. It's not their child. ;)
I agree with the group... people should just shut the hell up. But I've also heard that some people who are expecting a wee one don't even tell others what the baby's name will be to avoid the "eww, that's awful" face.
I didn't tell anyone the names we picked out because I didn't want to hear bad reactions. Once the baby is born, most people will keep their opinions to themselves.
However, my DH called a radio station when I was expecting our second child and he told our chosen name over the air. Why he did this I have no idea. The DJs ripped the name apart big time. I was mad like only a pregnant woman with surging hormones can get mad, and I think that's what sent me into labor that very same night.
Seems I'm in the minority in saying I suppose your aunt has every right to let you know what she thinks of the names you picked out.
None of my friends have had babies. My brother did however. He wanted to name his daughter Destiny. I let him know I hated that name. Was pretty blunt about it.
He must have taken it into consideration. Her name is Emily. Emily I can live with.
My husbands best friend had a little boy she named Valentine. If I had known of her name choice before she named him, I would have told her that Valentine (Vallie for short) is not a good name for a boy...not unless you want him to be teased horribly for most of his life.
I told people I wanted to name my first daughter Cherish Gail. Many, many MANY people told them they thought that was a BAD name. My brother laughed out loud at it. I still like it though, and if I had had a daughter before my best friend died I would have named her Cherish Gail. (Now she will be named Monica...after my best friend. Maybe even Monica Cherish...I still really like Cherish even though I know 99% of the people I know hate it.)
But, the above comments prove most people agree that they would rather any dislikes be unvoiced.
Both pregnancies, we asked everyone we knew to recommend names. Then we went with our choices.
However, this did bring up the opposite problem...how do you tactfully deflect a name someone is pantingly eager for you to name your child? My mother wanted me to name my son Evan. She was hot for Evan throughout the whole pregnancy. However, she was obviously hitting the household chemicals a little hard (mixing her bleach) because Evan is one letter off from my husbands last name. My son's name would have been like an on-purpose stutter.
That said, I would never tell someone I hated the name they picked for their children. How rude.
My dad told me that the name I had chosen for my daughter was awful. I ignored him. Now he tries to shorten her name (from Juliana to Julie), and I just ignore that.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
What I hate even more are the expectant parents who act like it's a big secret what names they have chosen.
I think that in general people should just keep their opinions to themselves. An exception is if you need to stage an emergency intervention. If it's so ridiculously horrifying that you feel you must intervene, then do it. Nona Morris' response was a good case in point. IMO, if she knew her friend was going to name her son Valentine that would have warranted saying something.
Maybe start telling your aunt that your going to name your son Gargoyle, then whatever name you actually choose will be a pleasant surprise!
It's just rude - Obviously a lot of thought goes into choosing names and telling a parent, ''That sucks'' is not only rude, it's insulting. They aren't naming you, personally, so what they decide isn't for you, personally, to have to live with, even if you see the child every.single.day.
I think it's alright to share your opinion as long as you're tactful about it and considerate of the other person's feelings and reasons for choosing that particular name.
That is definitely a thought that should be kept to ones self! There are so many weird names out there it's almost impossible for EVERYONE to like whatever name you choose. My personal peeve is changing the spelling of *normal* names to where they just look stupid when spelled. For example when they change all the i's or other vowels in a name to y's... etc. (Bryndyn is the worst, and I KNOW someone who did that... poor kid!) No idea if they were thinking Brandon or Brendon or whatever! But... keep it to yourself if you don't like it! The poor kid would have a hard enough time in school without growing up knowing someone thought his/her name sucked!
Depends on the names. Before I judge I want to make sure you aren't planning on naming him something way out there. :)
My best friend recently procreated and withheld the final name choice until post birth. We discussed the names she was considering. If there was a name I really hated I just suggested she name the kid after me. :)
But after 20 years of friendship she would be disappointed if I deveolped tact now, that would emlinate 75% of the things we laugh at, my verbal blunders are not generally pretty, but are never meant to harm...
oh that's horrible. Names are given for a reason and are very powerful things. And everyone has their own style. There are plenty of names I would NEVER name any of my children but I did have to hear all the time about how weird some of my choices were. I'm not very nice when people are rude, so I would have probably said something along the lines of, "we WERE thinking of naming so and so after You, but you're such a bitch.." But all in all I've learned that because we usually seem to choose the right name it will turn out all right or she'll come up with a nickname for him. My mother insisted she would call my Daughter, Aurora, by her middle name, Grace, because Aurora was to grown up for a little girl. I've never once heard her call her Grace.
